#189 “Tough love” is ruining your run.

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If you talk to yourself like a drill sergeant, this one’s for you.

If you cheered for yourself the way you do your best friend… you’d already be winning. But instead? You’re in the barn running a mental bootcamp in your own head. Tough love? Nope. That’s trauma on loop—and it’s draining the life out of your ride.

Let’s call it what it is: The way most riders talk to themselves would get them kicked out of any decent warm-up pen if they said it to someone else. I’m diving into this because someone wrote to me and said, “Nicole, I’m SO hard on myself. I don’t want to be like this anymore.” And I felt that to my core. If you've ever walked out of the pen after one fumbled transition and spiraled for hours, this one’s for you.

In today’s episode, we’re talking about the not-so-obvious ways your inner voice is wrecking your confidence—and how to change it without pretending everything’s fine or repeating toxic affirmations in the mirror. This is about building a real, unshakable inner coach—one that actually helps you ride better under pressure.

If this episode hit home for you—or if you know another rider who needs to hear this—be sure to tag me @nicoleburnettmentalcoach and @resilientreiner on Instagram and share this episode with your crew. I want to hear what part made you pause and say, “Dang… that’s me.” And if you haven’t already, leave a review on iTunes to help more riders like you find this show!

🎧 IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL LEARN:

Why “being hard on yourself” doesn’t actually make you more driven—it makes you exhausted
How to identify the root of your negative self-talk (spoiler: it didn’t start with you)
The difference between your inner critic and your inner coach—and how to shift toward the one that helps
Simple ways to practice self-compassion without feeling cheesy or fake
What it actually looks like to treat yourself like you treat your horse (yes, that includes do-overs and soft hands)
Why perfectionism is not a flex—it’s a trap
How grit, grace, and grounded rituals can build true resilience in AND out of the arena

❓ QUESTIONS I ANSWER:

“Why are you so mean to yourself—but so supportive of your friends?”
“What do you actually do when you notice you’re spiraling after a mistake?”
“Isn’t self-compassion just coddling yourself?”
“How do you stop trying to ‘earn’ your worth through riding?”

Links & Resources:

🎯 5 Days to Confident Competitor
Stop “show nerves” and saddle up with swagger.
👉 https://nicoleburnettcoaching.thrivecart.com/5-days-to-confident-competitor/
🎯 Resilient Reiner Academy
The confidence to win so you ride like you belong.
👉 https://www.nicoleburnettcoaching.com/resilientreineracademy
🎯 Mental Gym for Equestrians
Train your mind like a pro so you ride like one.
👉 https://mentalgymforequestrians.com/
🎯 Free Weekly Mental Coaching Tips
Get rider-specific mindset tools in your inbox. Join my email list here.
👉https://www.resilientreiner.com/

You don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. And you sure as hell don’t need to bully yourself into success. That’s not what makes great riders.

What makes them great? The ones who keep showing up—even when their brain is loud, their boots are muddy, and the warm-up didn’t go to plan.

You’ve got grit. You’ve got heart. Let’s get your brain back on your team.

👢 Keep riding with heart,

Nicole

Your Mental Performance Coach